Yeah, I'm bitter but I still want the best for you.

This year has been pretty much absolute bullsh*t for me. Minus a few couple of things here and there, this year (mind you its only the second month) has been so hard on me emotionally that it's affecting me physically.  Starting from the first of the year, literally the first day, two people I would have trusted my life to decided to cut me out of their life because I'm friends with someone. Their excuse when caught? "We just need some time to ourselves." Which in their mind meant deleting me from everything, snapchat, discord, arp, line, peach, and facebook if we had it shared, but and this is a big one, they only deleted me and one other friend from our group of like 8 people. I was under the impression that time to yourself meant time to yourself, not delete people who trust you and put tons of faith in you while keeping other friends in your circle, talking to them on the daily. I'm sorry but that sounds more like you want to cute people out because god knows why seeing as they wouldn't tell me. Not only that, if they had just said they needed time away, I would have understood, not felt abandoned, especially since they knew how I would react to it; seeing as someone had previously done it to me a few months before and it crushed me, which they were there for. 

These are two people that I quite literally trusted with everything, they had been there for me through a lot of my RL disability problems and helped a lot with my depression... and one day they turned their back on me. I still don't know why I got a screenshot from one of my (close) friends that was one of them calling us (the other girl and I) toxic for "not being there for them". Which is the most hilarious thing I have ever read seeing as I was constantly asking thing if they were okay if they needed someone to talk to, if they wanted to talk about their problems, and gave them any advice I could.  

So I log on today and see that another person from that group has (from my best guess since they won't answer me) left me too. Another person I would trust with my whole being told them everything, they even saw how the other leaving me affected me and yet here we are.  Now I'm constantly afriade people are going to abandon me or think I'm toxic or just hate me for some random reason. I honestly feel such a relief when people tell me they enjoy being around me or plan on being my friend for a long time because of this.

I can't begin to tell you how much I've cried over this stupid shxt, I've become so guarded that I don't even want to meet new people because I'm scared they are going to just gain my trust and leave me like that. ( can't even explain how scared I am ) 

You notice that I haven't said who any of these people are... that's because even though they did this to me, there is still a big part of me that wants nothing but happiness for them. I still love them and care for them even if they think so little of me because that just the kind of lame person I am. I don't believe anyone should ever have to feel the way I do.

So if you don't like me or whatever, please just tell me and don't try to be my friend. I don't think I can take it anymore...

All this said I'm probably going to be taking an extended Hiatus from this account, I'm tired of feeling like this, I'm tired of being hurt. If you need me I'll be on my Discord pretty much daily, anyone is honestly welcome to add me, I'm sorry if I come off rude or anything but this has pretty much f***ed me up and caused me to build some serious walls. 

Also if you read all this, I'm sorry it's so long, I just needed to get this off my chest, it's been sitting on it ever since the year started and today just kind of pushed me over the edge.

-Yugyeom (Sting)