Drabble 01. Deception on many accounts.

“How have you been feeling this week Seo-Yeon?” his head shifted a camber and his fingers moved to adjust a pair of designer wire framed glasses. They’d been resting lazily on the bridge of his nose. A petite shape squirmed in place. She knew Dr. Chen well enough to know when he is focusing on her. An affirmation of his sudden attentiveness. That’s when she began to chew at the inside of her lip. He knew her just as well and could sense her hesitancy. Crossing his legs with a patient and calming exhale. Dr. Chen leaned back in his chair and rested his notebook and pen in his lap. “Do you wish to speak about this?” a brow elevated. “You know I am always here to listen.” it was said time and time again. No matter that fact, he would always make it a point to reassure this to her and all his patients.  

She gulped. “I don’t know.” Seo-yeon’s little fingers roamed through her hair, down her tense neck and gave the muscles a squeeze. “What is stopping you? Might I ask this?” This question planted might be easier for her to answer. Especially if she didn’t want to share so deeply today. When Seo-Yeon was like this. He didn’t want to tip her too far. It could make the illness worse in that instant or she can become a turtle. Concealed away in her shell.  “I’m...nervous…” She said. What she really meant, was she’s ‘afraid’ but she loathed the word. She couldn’t accept the word! With her mental illness - everyday could leave her living ‘Fearful & Afraid.’ She decided to pretend the emotions didn’t exist all together.

There was a long pause of silence and it made her feel exceedingly uncomfortable. So she proceeded to investigate that thought. “I have a pain deep in my gut. I’m worried if I mention ‘it’....it’s hold on me will become stronger.” fingers pressed to either temple. Rolling them in deep circles. Dr. Chen took note of this with his shiny silver pen. “If you hold on to it. In my experience, you let it control you. Don’t let the delusion control you.” his head shook in protest. Knowing they’ve done so much work and she’d come so far. She was making such great progress and he wouldn’t let her slide backwards. “Give it it’s proper name.” he urged her firmly. “What are you seeing Seo-Yeon. Go on.” 

She didn’t want to say it. Because she didn’t believe it right now. There was an inner fight in her. To either listen to herself and her senses. Which one is taught at a young age to always do. Listen to your heart they say. Yet, that was NOT realistic for her and sometimes left a short circuit in her brain. She trembled to say the word. As lies were not her forte. “It...it…” she struggled. “IT WAS REAL! IT was!” she snapped.

How dare he tell her what wasn’t and what was? That monster, sitting in the chair across the room from her open bedroom door as slept. Eyes a glow and bright like torches from hell. While all else remained in black. His silhouette a shadow in the darkness. "He moved from his seat this time. He ran for me! I could feel hands around my neck...choking me. I couldn’t breath.” desperation in her tone as she tried to convince him. “Look.” her collar pulled to the side to reveal bruises. He calmly shook his head. “No Seo-yeonah. You do this to yourself. It is not by your own fault...” lips parted to sigh. “Don’t worry. I can help you. There is nothing to fear....”